On My Night Stand - Amy Poehler Yes Please

I've got a bit of a crush on Amy Poehler. What a wonderful human being! I seriously can't get enough of her words. If you follow me on any of my social media accounts, you would've seen me sharing some of her fabulous quotes over the last year. I was trying to decide which one to share with you on here, but I honestly can't choose just one. I've lost count of the amount of times I've sat nodding my head enthusiastically at her words of wisdom and just complete sense. Instead, I implore you to head over to Pinterest and just search Amy Poehler. I've even taken the hard work out of it for you, click 'here' to go straight to that search and just have a read for yourself some of the outstanding things this woman has said. Be prepared to be inspired. 

A gorgeous and very thoughtful friend of mine got me Yes Please for Christmas. I'm really enjoying it. It's a kind of biography, with lots of information about Amy and her life. Her insights on life lessons learned and generally her wonderful words of wisdom. I read a lot of self help books, thrillers and forensic/investigation type fiction and this is a refreshing change from the usual. I love it. It's sending me off to sleep with a big smile on my face every night. Which is quite a rarity for me. I usually go to bed worrying about something or making up stupid scenarios in my head (dam anxiety) Reading something like this is helping me switch off and sleep well. Thanks Amy (and to my lovely friend) for helping me get my sleep back on track.

Decorating Inspiration - project living room

It's taken a good year, but we're finally starting to make the house look like ours. When we moved in the house had been decorated for selling and not to our taste at all! The first thing we did was to rip down the wallpaper and paint the rooms that were looking a bit tatty with a neutral colour palette. The rest we've been gradually working on. 

I've spent the last year pinning my heart out, coming up with ideas for each room. Gradually buying a few bits here and there. But with things starting to take shape, I thought I'd share with you my plans for the house and the latest purchases that I'm loving.

PROJECT LIVING ROOM 

My current focus is the living room (or as Mother calls it, 'the lounge'). We've (I say 'we' it wasn't we at all, it was my husband and friend) painted the whole house in Dulux Timeless. I change my mind often, so the neutral colour allows us to accessorise in whatever colourways we're feeling at the time. Our house is also very small, so it brightens it up and gives us lots of room to use our imagination. 

White walls mean lots of options. Which I'm very excited about. But it also means it looks pretty bare at the moment. So I'm slowly building up a collection of decorations to fill the white space. It's especially noticeable since we took the Christmas decs down. (Does Christmas feel like it didn't happen to anyone else?)

The base colours for the room are black, grey and white tones. I'm adding colour with accessories in pastels, gold, bronze and copper.

PRETTY PRINTS AND PASTELS

Along the back wall we have a shelf which I've filled with a couple of prints, some plants and candles. Last year I bought a gorgeous print by Jordan Andrew Carter - visit his shop 'here' - which sits nicely on the shelf. 

There was still a lot of white space to fill, so I ordered a mint and gold paper garland, from Funky Frills on Etsy, to fill it.

What you can see is 50ft of garland which we've draped across the back wall. I love it. It highlights the gorgeous pastel colours of Maurice Bear and adds a subtle bit of colour to the room which I can now use as inspiration for the rest of the room.

Despite the pretty pictures and the crisp white walls, the room felt like it was missing something. With this being the area you walk straight into and the wall that's on show, the radiator just looked out of place, so we got a white radiator cover from ScrewFix. It was only £80 but it has made a huge difference to the look of the room. Tidied up that back wall and made a feature out of something that was just an eyesore before.

MY CANDLE OBSESSION

I love candles and have loads of scented ones on the shelves and tables around the house. The White Company are my current favourites. (I blame my friend Jess for this obsession - her house always smells amazing because of the candles and now I can't stop buying them!) Their Winter scents have been filling our house over the Christmas period and I've got my eye on their new Lime and Bay fragrance, the Noir and Twenty One collections. I'm also coveting the Neom candles. Oh my shelves need some of those beauties. When the pennies aren't flowing quite so freely, I've been opting for Ikea's scented candles in a glass. They're around 89p each and smell wonderful. They don't last as long, but the glass holders are great for holding tea lights after.

SUCCULENTS

Oh how I love a succulent. I'm building up quite a collection. But I keep killing them! I haven't done too badly, but there's a few that are looking slightly worse for ware. Still, they look great and I'm going to be looking for more to put around the house.

I've also bought some bakers twine to make a macrame holder for the corner of the back wall (it'll go to the left of the garland above the chair). It's an empty space at the moment and needs filling. I'm not very good at DIY though, so I'll probably end up buying something instead. I want a nice big plant holder to go in it, with some sort of draping plant. Although I may opt for a fake variety, as my current track record isn't going so well.

SHELVES

We have two new shelves in one of the alcoves by the back door. They need filling with prettiness, so I'm currently looking for things for this.

It's looking quite sparse at the moment. So far, I've bought the gold pineapple which was £12 from Home Sense, we got the letters years ago (we need an M!), the gold star is from a lovely little shop in Pershore called Persora (it's now in the sale for £6! Bummer for me, bonus for you!)  I'm going back to get some more things from here. I've got my eye on an LED light (and may have ordered a few bits in the sale too!) The black and gold candle holder was from Primark and the vase I've had for years. It's all just sitting there waiting for new friends to get some styling going on. For now, I've been keeping my crystals on there because it's in the sunlight for a lot of the day. Cleanse baby!

THE FIRE PLACE

The previous owner, for some reason, blocked the fireplace and replaced it with an ugly grey board. We have the TV on the wall above it, so it's not my favourite part of the room, but I'm making it better with the addition of my new light box. I couldn't resist jumping on this band wagon.

It was £30 from This Modern Life we're having fun leaving messages for each other.  And I'm already regretting not getting the extra letters at the same time. Doh!

The string lights were also from This Modern Life (love the shop, great products, good price and brilliant service - check it out), the star light was New Look and the Skull was Cox and Cox a few years back (I won it in a competition!). 

EVERYTHING ELSE

I've never been one for ornaments. We've had other homes together, but we always knew they weren't forever so we never really got into styling the rooms and as we bought our first house together 7 years ago our taste has changed and I've ditched most of the stuff we originally had. We won't be in this house forever, but I know the style I want for us now so when I spot something I love, it comes home with me. I'm loving finding new stores. Here are a few of the other things I've bought lately. 

My Mum got me this beautiful owl plant holder from an shop in Bath, I can't remember the name of it, but it was a lovely shop. The bronze candle holder was a cheapy from Primark. 

We were given this Ikea chair by some lovely friends. The room is really small, so we haven't got space for an arm chair as well as the sofa, but this chair fits perfectly. My Coco De Mer 'Peacock' cushion loves its new home! 

We're using half of the 'L shape' sofa we've had since we lived in our first place together. We had this gorgeous open plan living/kitchen area, so we got a huge sofa to fill it. Great for the flat, not so great for this room. But, because we don't know how long we'll be here, we're not buying anything new and this is just going to have to do. Same goes for the carpet. Ideally I'd like to get the whole downstairs fitted with wooden floor. But I don't want to spend the money on something we won't get to benefit. 

We have a couple of bookcases too, filled with M's books and colouring books, some candles, decs and more books. My husband and I have very different taste in reading material! 

And that's where I am right now. On the hunt for more loveliness to fill the shelves, which I'll share with you as I buy it. 

My next project is our bedroom. Which needs a lot of work and I'm finishing off M's bedroom too. I'll share his room with you next. 

Where's your favourite place for home decor? You can also follow my inspiration on my Pinterest board 'here'. 

Opening up about my Struggle with Anxiety

The start of the New Year can be pretty challenging for a lot of people. For me, it's one of the hardest times of year. We're lucky enough to be able to have two weeks at home together over the Christmas period. It's just been the three of us for two whole weeks. With no deadlines or to do lists. It's felt safe. But with the deadline of January's reality looming, my demons are out in full force. This year though, I know I need to do something about it.

Looking back, I've always suffered with anxiety. I just didn't know how to label it. Depression was diagnosed and treated. I know that mist and I can talk about it and keep it under control most of the time. But dealing with anxiety is new for me. Not because I've only just started to get it. But because I've only recently admitted to myself that, that is in fact what I've always suffered with.

Anxiety isn't a taboo subject any more. Thanks to the likes of Buzzfeed and The Huffington Post's regular articles and advice, and the brave folk who have come forward and opened up about their sufferings and how they manage it, people like me now have a label for the fear we've been feeling all these years.

I read about it a lot. I join in conversations with people talking about it. Often giving advice to others. But when it comes to me. I can't talk about it.

I've sat, locked in my bathroom sobbing, as my husband sits downstairs unaware of the thoughts and fears that have been taking over my mind whilst we sat watching TV. My heart beats faster, my skin gets hotter, my jaw clenched, as I try to fight it. Fight the ridiculous thoughts that pop up. My son's stopped breathing in bed (I can hear his snores on the monitor!), the front door is unlocked, someone could get in (I've just checked the door, for the fifth time that evening, it's locked). The thoughts are different every time. They're the extreme worse case scenario that life could throw at me at any point. They feel so dam real.

I'll sit in the bathroom trying to compose myself. I breathe. Eventually I calm and pep myself up to go downstairs and tell my husband what's happening. I know I need help. I'll walk down the stairs, rehearsing the opening line trying not to make it sound so dramatic. I take a deep breath, walk into the room. Sit down and act like nothing's happened.

I've honestly lost count of the amount of times I've done that in the last few years. And not just at home. It's happening more and more when I'm out too. But time after time I keep it hidden.

By the time I'm faced with someone to talk to, I've calmed myself down and reassured myself and talking about the thoughts that had just been so real in my head, now feels stupid. I know he wouldn't think it was stupid. But I do. And that's why I find it so hard to talk about it.

The night before taking our son to see Father Christmas, I lay in bed for two hours going over every detail of my husband's (imaginary) affair. This time he'd got her pregnant and I was going through all the details of how I'd get myself and my son through it. How I'd cope as a single parent. The anger and the heartbreak felt real. The tears came again. I couldn't shift it. With my husband and son fast asleep, I took myself downstairs and watched mind numbing TV until I was too exhausted not to sleep.

The next day, my son's excitement got me through the morning, but by the afternoon the exhaustion turned into a huge anxiety attack. I took myself off. But there was no hiding it. Then I had to talk about it. How I've been feeling, not sleeping. I glossed over the details. But at least I got something out. And since then I've felt more at ease.

This is something that's been getting worse over the last few years and it's massively effected my life in the last year. It's affected my relationship with my husband in a big way. Not being able to talk about the tricks my head plays on me, has put a barrier up for talking about anything to anyone. I've become more withdrawn from the people around me. And it's taking its toll.

I have made some adjustments to try and help. I've taken a step back from negative influences and made my home life a priority. As well as making time to look after myself. But the truth is, it's not working. The dark side of my mind is trying to take over and I know I need to do something about it.

Of course, no one who knows me will know any of this. As I said, I don't talk about it and when I'm suffering, I take myself off. I don't see anyone during the bad times so no one knows.

I'm writing this post as my first step to getting help. I know it might seem a bit strange. It's not a cry for help and I'm not looking for sympathy. It couldn't be further from that in fact. Because sympathy makes me feel like a right idiot. I just finally had some of the words and the courage to open up about it. And it felt like the right way to start the ball rolling - as they say!

With my husband going back to work tomorrow, I've been stewing over my thoughts more than ever. My safety net won't be here all day every day and I've got to tackle the world on my own again. I felt strong enough today to say. 'Yep, I need to get myself some help. I can't do this on my own any more.' I'm hoping this is the first step on my way to feeling a little more like me again.

Here's to 2016. Bring it on you bitch.

Roasted Pumpkin Seeds Recipe

Last year I decided to make sure there wasn't any waste from our Halloween pumpkins. If you're usually one that scoops out the insides straight into the bin, then you really should try this easy method for roasting the seeds.

I made it up. And, if I do say so myself, they taste pretty dam fabulous. Give it a go yourself;

what you need

Pumpkin seeds, scooped from pumpkin, drained in colander to remove the left over skin.
Splash of oil
Seasoning

how to do it

Pre heat oven to 200degrees.

Once you've given the seeds a good wash & removed most of the skin. (Don't worry if there's still a few strands hanging on though) add seeds to a frying pan with a splash of oil. Medium heat for a few mins. Stir continuously. You're just getting things started with this. So take them off just as they start changing colour.

Transfer seeds from pan to a baking tray with a little oil rubbed all over. Spread out to a single layer, then sprinkle over seasoning of your choice. I chose a little bit of garlic salt & paprika.

Pop in oven for 10-15 minutes. (Check on them after 10 minutes and again every few mins after that because they change very quickly!) Then take them out when they're browned. If you're not sure take them out and try one. You'll know when they're done.

I'm so chuffed with the result. A perfect little snack to dip into.

How to Survive the lonely life of a freelancer

I had a conversation with a client today, who said:

'Yeah, but you're just the fluffy bunny stuff. 

We know we have to do it but you're just not a priority at the moment.' 

Charming! But it just about sums up my life as a freelancer. Especially in the field I work in. Social media and PR. Sometimes I can go months without speaking to any of my clients. A few emails might go back and forth, but mostly I'm at the bottom of the list and often ignored.

I get it. They're busy people, I don't work in the office and I'm often just forgotten and left to get on with it.

But when you work from home, on your own, sometimes you really need those conversations and it can be flippin' hard work to keep going and stay motivated when you don't get any feedback. But this is the career I've chosen and, despite all of this, the career I wouldn't change. So I have to get on with it. Here's how I survive the lonely life of a freelancer.

DON'T TAKE IT TOO PERSONALLY

The constant rejection can be pretty tough to take. And sometimes it really does feel like you're doing a shit job and no one likes you. But honestly, you gotta let it go. It's not you and actually, if you're being left to get on with it (and still being paid!) it probably means your client trusts you and is happy with what you're doing.

DON'T LET THEM FORGET YOU

That being said, it's important that they don't forget about you. No matter how much you're ignored, don't give up. You don't need to be a pest, they're obviously busy, but don't stop calling or emailing if you need something, and wherever possible, arrange a face to face meeting at their office so they don't forget you. Remind them what they're paying you for. 

MAKE SURE YOU CAN JUST KEEP GOING

Because I'm often ignored for weeks on end, I need to make sure I stay on top of things and can keep things going with or without the additional information. That means I need to know the industry I'm working with and when I do get to speak to someone, I drain them for every bit of information I can get. I work ahead as much as possible and keep up to date on industry events and important dates to link in with. 

BUDDY UP

If your main contact is the MD of a company, it's likely to be pretty tricky to pin them down for information. Find someone at the company who can get you the information you need. Keep in touch with them and get them to poke the client with a stick every now and then. 

FIND SOMEONE TO VENT TO

The one and only thing I miss about working in an office is not having a great team behind me on those really tricky days or just to bounce ideas off every now and then. Luckily some of my best friends were made in my early PR days and I regularly use and abuse them as a sounding board for ideas, reassurance and a bloody good vent. If you can get out and meet up with other freelancers in your industry even better. But having someone at the end of the phone for those tough days, makes all the difference. 

Other than that, and the lack of a Christmas party, I love working for myself and feel really lucky to be able to do it. It's not for everyone, but it's definitely for me. 

Hello September - 3 ways I get ready for Winter

There's something about the start of Autumn that fires up the motivation in me. Now's the time I want to get my routine on track, refresh my daily regime, update my make up bag and wardrobe, and get us all ready for the end of the year.

Here's how I get us ready for Winter

I start with my September de-clutter. I do this at the start of each new season. I get rid of all the stuff I don't want any more and replace it with new, 'seasonally inspired' clutter! Right now, it's all about the Hygge.

Our wardrobes get a big overhaul. At the start of a new season, I'll sort through our clothes; charity shop anything we've not worn, or no longer want and fold up and pack away all the wardrobe staples we wear year after year. Summer dresses, holiday clothes, majority of my bikinis and beach bags, all get packed away into a suitcase, with other seasonal items, ready for next year.

Our Autumn / Winter staples - coats, boots, jumpers, hats and scarves - then get a dusting off. (I usually do another clear out. I have another four bags ready for the charity shop.) And then I find homes for all the new items. With the weather not being able to make its mind up, our shoe cupboard is heaving. I'm not ready to put away the Birks, but I've needed my ankle boots this week, so there will be another sort out in a few weeks when we're done with our sandals and shorts.

Then I give the rest of the house a once over and get rid of anything else we haven't used in the last 12 months and usually send another box to the charity shop.

We're getting the garden ready for Winter too. Packing away the Summer essentials so they don't get ruined. Clearing out plant pots and getting everything ready so we can keep on top of the weeds over the Winter months.

The changing weather means we stay in a lot more, so my focus is massively on our home right now. It's coming up to a year since we moved in and we've done a few basic tidy up jobs, and the garden got a good seeing to over the summer, but now it's time to accessorise. I am so excited about this.

When we moved in we gave ourselves a blank canvas that we can add accessories to and change up as we wanted to. I've been planning each room and buying little bits, to add to the look over the last year, but now the Summer's over, I'm upping my search.

I'll be looking for new pictures to add a touch of colour. I got this 'Jordan Carter' print. earlier in the year and I'm looking for something to accompany Maurice. (Willing JC to create a Tiger print to buddy him up with!)

I'm finally going to get around to making a macrame plant holder for the corner of my living room.

I'm all about the succulents right now, so I'll be adding to my collection. I'm aiming for at least one in every room. I'm getting quite obsessed with finding new succulents and holders. (Finally I plant I can look after) (Because it needs no looking after!) (Let's not talk about the one I over watered!)

I'm looking for bunting, garlands, pom-poms, lights and fun prints to cover the rest of the house. I've got loads of ideas and I'm spending a lot of time on Pinterest planning each room. You can check out my Pinterest account 'here'.

With my Summer wardrobe safely packed away, I'm setting my sights on Autumn/Winter fashion. The internet is abuzz with London fashion week and it's giving me lots of inspiration for my own wardrobe.

My style has been a work in progress over the years. I've never really known what my style was and have often made silly purchases. This is the first year I feel like I really know what I want for my seasonal wardrobe and I'm looking forward to finding some key pieces that will take me straight through to Spring.

I'm looking at more ripped jeans and fitted t-shirts, ankle boots, trainers for running around after my little boy and a good pair of shoes to see me through more formal days. Chunky jumpers will of course play a very important part of my new wardrobe.

I chopped all my hair off last Autumn, and I'm finally finding my way with it so it's going to be fun bringing it all together.

The change in weather means a change up in the colours I'm wearing too. I swop my bright pinks and coral nails for a more toned down shade of red round about now and I love it. It also means a change in products and make up. I love finding new products to get my skin through the cold months.

My skin has changed a lot in the last couple of years. There are definite signs of ageing popping up and the sleepless nights have really caught up with me, so it's time to re look at the products I use to fight the lines and stock up on the make up for disguising it!

I'll keep you posted on the new purchases.

I don't really need a seasonal excuse to get my planner out. I love to sit down and organise our lives, so we know where we are each week, what needs to be done and plan in any jobs that need to be tackled. The Summer holidays seemed to knock our routine right out the window, so I am back on it in full force.

The next few months are typically really busy for us. There are a lot of birthdays, work for both myself and my husband seems to peak at this time of year and everything just seems to be happening at once. (Maybe the lazy Summer has something to do with it?) So it's really important that I plan our weeks so I can fit everything in and keep on top of myself. As well as making sure I get some exercise in and down time too. (because I really need that!)

I try to keep about two weeks ahead of myself with work. You just never know what's around the corner. So I try hard to stay ahead, in case something comes up that means I can't do as much that week.

That means I need to be really organised. I plan the week ahead for all family stuff and make a note of things that need to be done that week. And then plan each day out to fit everything in. I try and do a meal plan every week and shop around that. Most of the time we stick to it and when we do it works really well. Some weeks all the planning gets too much and we end up winging it. It always ends up in a more expensive shop and some slightly unhealthier choices, but sometimes I just need to move away from a plan and relax.

Now I've got us all Autumn/Winter ready, I feel like I can relax a bit. I know, pretty much, what we've got to do in the next four months and I'm so looking forward to some cosy Sunday afternoons watching movies with my boys in our home. 

How do you get ready for winter? Come chat to me on my Facebook page 'A Zest of Gem' 

Remembering to Have Fun With a Touch of Roald Dahl Magic

I haven't been at my happiest lately. I'm not looking after myself and it's taking it's toll. I've been stressing out about things I've had no control over and feeling super stressed about it. It's meant I've been very serious and totally boring, so I decided to do something about it and get some fun back into my life. 

I was feeling the need for some laughter and silliness so I dug out some of my old books and came across a collection that brought an instant smile to my face. 

Roald Dahl is an absolute hero of mine. I read all of his books as a child, I've seen all the movies and I just love finding out new facts about this incredible man. When I found out I was pregnant, back in 2011, one of the first things I did was to get a brand new collection of Roald Dahl books ready to read to my child. When I spotted them on our book shelf my face beamed, this was just what I needed. So, I started reading them all again - and it's given me an instant happiness boost. 

From the amazing illustrations of Quentin Blake, to Roald's talent for expressive story telling and fantabulously made up words, I find myself laughing out loud as I remember what happens next and smiling like a Cheshire cat at the wonderful, off the wall tales and hilarious characters. 

One of my favourite's is Boy - a short collection of stories of Roald's school years. His accounts of the terrible way children were treated by adults back then and the way he dealt with so many, rather disturbing, encounters grab every inch of my heart and, just like all of his stories, leave me wanting to know and hear more from this incredible man.

So far, my son has discovered Fantastic Mr Fox and I just can't wait to share the magical world of Roald Dahl with him when he's a little older, until then, I'll continue to boost my happiness with his magic words. 

Coincidently, it's Roald Dahl day on Sunday 13th September. It would've been his 99th birthday! I love the fact children today are still enjoying his tales and so many budding writers continue to be influenced and embraced by his legacy. The mark of a true legend and wonderful man. Here's to you, Boy, thank you for reminding me who I am.