About a year ago, I was getting myself into a total tizz about the food we were eating, the products we were using and generally what we were doing in our daily lives.
I read a lot. I love a good bit of fiction, but mainly I read blogs and articles online. I subscribe to blogs covering all sorts, from natural parenting, natural food, attachment parenting, daily habits, kindness, organisation, zen and meditation, to fitness, healthy eating, nutrition, montessori, alternative medicines... to name just a few. These are some wide ranging genres of the things I'm interested in, things I believe in and things I'd like to have more of in my life.
Problem is, I was reading so much about; the effects shouting can have on kids, problems with ingredients in different foods, why not to eat certain foods, why it's best to eat other foods, what you should be doing with your 3yo, exercise regimes, toxicity in cleaning products, ingredients in our daily toiletries, and so on, not to mention all the new interesting things I've found out about along the way, it left my head in a total spin.
It stressed me out because I was trying to do it all and feeling guilty when I didn't manage it or when I did the things I knew weren't good for me, or my family.
There's so much out there, from people trying to help us have the 'perfect life' with limited toxins, making the most of every hour of our day, eating only the right foods, and generally being the best we can be, it can all get a bit too much.
I was trying to do it all. But, for me, it's just not possible.
I got caught up in a spiral of guilt and headaches for a while, until I realised what I really needed to do was to chill the fuck out and focus on what works for me.
Moderation makes everything good in my life
You see, I can't only buy natural or make all of my own cleaning and beauty products - I don't have the time, the money, or the inclination.
I don't want to completely cut sugar out of my life. I like banana's and when I'm feeling like shit, devouring a box of cookies is exactly what I should be doing. And I can't afford to buy just organic produce and only shop at independent stores.
Some days, I don't want to follow my to do list. Some days, I physically or mentally can't.
Some days I spend too much time shouting and getting frustrated with the little things (and my little one!)
Sometimes I can't be there for anyone but myself.
There are some weekends where I don't want to take my child swimming, go for walks in the wood or play Lego. Some times I just want to stay in and watch movies. Do nothing and see no one.
Some months are so packed full of birthday's and outings, or general house and car stuff, I don't have the money to buy much of the organic, natural ingredients that I'd so love to have our fridge full of every day. And when I'm busy, I don't have the time to source gifts and lovely things for my home from fabulous independent shops that I love so much, so Asda and Amazon just have to do.
Some days, I spend more time looking at my phone than I do noticing anything around me.
And then there are some weeks where nothing goes right, we eat nothing but crap and I don't get a thing done on my to do list.
But I'm OK with that (most of the time!) And do you know why?
Because I know MOST OF THE TIME we eat well and I organise our lives and our budget so we can do the things we like to do and need to do. Most of the time, I can handle the toddler tantrums and the crazy sleeping patterns. Most of the time, I can be there for my friends when they need me. Most of the time, I do the things that I know make our lives better. And...
ALL OF THE TIME I do the best I can right now.
Try not to be too hard on yourself if you don't feel like you're achieving everything you want to be doing at this very moment in time.
It's great to be aware of new things that could make your life better and it's always good to know what's in the food and products we're consuming on a daily basis. But don't worry if it doesn't mean you throw out the entire contents under your kitchen sink or stop buying your favourite foundation, or even that you just read about it and do absolutely nothing else. Stop beating yourself up because you're not doing the things everyone around you seems to be doing.
If there are things you want to do. Do them.
If you're not happy with yourself or something in your life. Change it.
But don't beat yourself up when you go back to old habits. Keep trying, if that's what you want to do. Get help, if you need it.
If you see other people trying new things or shouting about their achievements and interests, don't shoot them down either. Just because it isn't right for you, doesn't mean that everyone feels like that. Congratulate your friends and just dam well delete or hide anyone that makes you feel like shit. You do not need that in your life.
Writing this has just reminded me of a quote I saw on Gala Darling's Facebook feed the other day:
'Gentle reminder: you can uplift yourself without having to bring others down. You can embrace your curves without having to insult skinny girls. You can appreciate your natural beauty without having to shame girls who wear a lot of makeup or who have gotten plastic surgery. You can be the girl who likes staying home without having to criticize the girl who likes to party and have a good time. You can be proud of your unique individuality without having to brag about how different you are from other girls. Similarly, you can empower yourself without having to tear other women down. Other women are not your competition.' Kaja.
What a wonderful thing to say. Can you imagine how good you would feel if you followed that little mantra in life?
It's taken me years of guilt and self torture to work out my moderation and feel happy in my own skin. Of course I still have days when I feel guilty and I worry about silly things all the time (they don't feel silly at the time of course!), but I know that those little things don't matter in the grand scheme of things and I'm doing everything I can to be exactly who I want to be and do exactly what I need to do. And on the days I can't remember that, I now have this post to remind myself.
Be Happy as you.
